Messer'd Review: 'All You Need is Kill' vs. 'Edge of Tomorrow'

"Your mother must have been disappointed when the abortion only killed your conscience." - Rita Vrataski, All You Need is Kill

Two things. First, the above quote is out of context, but I thought it was something that really summed up the badassery and lives up to the name: FULL METAL BITCH. The character, Rita Vrataski appears as a "Jacket jockey" in Hiroshi Sakurazaka's novel, All You Need is Kill, which was first published in 2004 in its original Japanese, and then translated and printed in English in 2009.

Second thing, I had no idea that the film, Edge of Tomorrow had a previous source material. When I saw the preview for it, I had gone to see the new Godzilla, a movie I don't regret seeing twice because I thought it was a lot of fun despite what any hardcore fans thought of it. That first preview looked really nice. I am really excited for science fiction cycle of interest to be coming back into everyone's view and Tomorrow looked really neat. I even saw past that it was a Tom Cruise film and thought I would give it a chance. It wasn't until I saw a post on Facebook less than a week from release that I discovered the film was actually based on a novel. Finally having the time to check out stuff like source material, I got the book and told myself I couldn't see the film until I read the book. (Also waited for discount day at the theater.)

A few people I know (and I found out) knew of the source material quite well and had been looking forward to this film. Although I nearly experienced them simultaneously, having read two-thirds of the novel only a few hours before I watched it, I feel their pain.

This movie sucked.

The book isn't all that long and I finished it in less than four hours. Sakurazaka draws you in the story immediately, beginning with the main character, Keiji Kiriya, in the middle of battle in his Jacket, dodging Mimic javelins and giving a few thoughts on what death is like because for the first time, he is going to die. What he doesn't know, is that the strange Mimic he kills after being saved by the FULL METAL BITCH--or her other name that I really enjoy, the Valkyrie--he dies and wakes up in his bunk with his finger holding his place in an American detective novel. This happens in a matter of pages and as I read it, I was already excited for the film because what a way to start a movie! 

All of my screenwriting professors (who are making movies and shit, so they know a thing or two) always told me to start in the middle. Come in late and leave early. All those little things about scriptwriting that make a tight story that will never bore the audience. When I continued to read Sakurazaka's book, I felt that it was already a really great script. A hair under 200 pages, the damn thing could have been plopped into Final Draft and boom, done. 

But that's not what the film did.


The movie sets up the whole world, as most movies do: meteors rained down and these creatures overtook our world. The whole thing centers in Germany...what? It was in these first few minutes, as well as seeing that Tom Cruise's character is named William Cage, that told me the only thing that would be like Sakurazaka's book was the big-picture concept. In itself, the concept is really cool, but to lift some of these characters, like Sergeant Farrell, and put them in an utterly westernized version that eliminates the cultural and personal struggles that the characters face during their fight against total extinction.

The book is set in Japan and we learn that the Mimcs (which look more like bloated dead frogs that can shoot high-frequency vibrating javelins from their bodies) mostly live in the water because they are highly evolved starfish. Yep, starfish, so stay with me on this.

Meteors were not the cause of humanity's downfall, but somewhere light years away is a terra-forming foe that created nanobots to reform planets for habitation for their species. The book does a very good job explaining this about halfway through and because the writing is full of so much movement and action, you don't care that the information is coming this late and really, it serves as a turning point for the story, when Keiji finally understands what is happening to him as he has repeated the day he dies about 158 times.

Step in the Valkyrie.

Rita doesn't die within the first five minutes like she does in the movie. She is actually the most badass 22-year-old you will ever read about in your life. She's American, too, and travels with a special force that wins all the battles. Actually, the Valkyrie wins all the battles because Rita figured out how to defeat the Mimics. Her backstory is also fantastic, unlike the lying woman in the movie who can't save herself. Yes, the movie paints Rita as the Angel of Verdun, when it is actually Florida that she saves, but we can't have the US attacked, now can we?

I could speculate that this kind of setting probably stems from the fact that Tom Cruise isn't well liked in places like Germany (or much of Europe, for that matter) because of his relationship with Scientology, but I'll let others come to that conclusion. What I will speculate is that a place like Japan and Africa (which the latter pretty much gets completely annihilated) aren't high-risk enough to have largely American and European audiences care. Mostly American audiences because we only desire to see ourselves repeat D-Day over and over again because it's the only heroic thing we've ever done. (So this pretty much makes the Mimcs Nazis.)

Rita came from humble pig-farming beginnings and oh, the whole coffee thing was her gesture, as it called back to her memories of her father who had told her that she could do whatever she wanted.

(By the way, this looks like my cat.)

So Rita joined the military after her entire family was killed by Mimcs and then lived 211 days over and over again because the large concept that the Hollywood movie took great liberties on (Alpha and Omega), is actually much more detailed and a whole hell of a lot smarter.

The strange Mimic that Cruise kills in the movie is actually much harder to spot because it's smaller than the rest, not some huge überbeast that is obviously different and the need to focus on this particular Mimic never leaves the battlefield. Actually, the scenery never leaves the small clutch of islands that they are trying to protect. Instead of some blood-power that came from getting a bunch of black goo all over you, the time-travel bits make much more sense. The Mimics, since full of nanobots that pour out of them and basically EAT YOU if you're not in a fully sealed armor suit, are full of signals and currents. The Mimic killed, as Rita calls it, is a server. Rita tells Keiji that there are Mimics that have to be killed in a particular order to overcome them, otherwise, the day will continue to be reset as Keiji dies each time before these Mimics are killed because it is the conscious mind that travels backwards in time (much like my favorite movie, X-Men: DoFP) to try and make the outcome different. The Mimics, because they are connected together, are all aware of this and slowly start to hunt Keiji out so the server can kill him and then the Mimics would win.

The concept is still too crazy for many to know, but there are a few more people who do, and like the movie, Rita's Jacket mechanic is in on it. But instead of being that asshat (no offense to the actor, Noah Taylor) from Game of Thrones, the mechanic is a woman. In fact, she's a Native American woman who is an MIT graduate and a completely badass nerd.

But, because Hollywood is Hollywood, Tom Cruise could not be outdone by any number of women. He has to be the hero because Edge of Tomorrow is pretty much the same plot from any Tom Cruise movie ever. Main hero who overcomes struggles saves the damsel in distress and ultimately, the world. EoT has a happy ending and maybe by now, you have guessed that the book does not. The book made me cry because it was simultaneously sad and incredibly beautiful.

Now, before someone gives me that bullcrap about books and film being different types of media, I'm going to say again, that the rule does not apply here. The book could have been very well adapted into a movie with maybe a few small shifts and some changes, but ultimately, it would have been the badass mechsuit fighting movie that had a fantastic story and some really excellent characters. It would have been better than Pacific Rim (although the monsters are much smaller) and Emily Blunt would have been EVEN BETTER than she was in its current iteration. Actually, I was started to dislike her character because she has such little character development other than her lamenting that she's not "the chosen one" for most of the movie, then she has an anticlimactic death that means nothing after the end.  

The more I think about the film, the angrier I get because there was so much potential to make this a good science fiction movie rather than another pre-summer blockbuster attempt where Tom Cruise again tries to prove to us that he is still an action hero. Which I guess he is. I don't like Tom Cruise movies because they are always the same thing and this time (although I really, really enjoyed seeing him die over and over again) I thought things might turn out differently. I was terribly wrong.

I'm not going to take it away from others that the movie was neat and it looked pretty. Some have even written posts about how Blunt as the Angel of Verdun is the heroine we all need. Once you glance at the source material, sadly, you realize that her character is developed no differently than any female co-star in a modern action movie. Her physical features were not exaggerated (thank the gods), but she lost a whole lot of awesome between source material and final product. But those who try to say that this film does something differently, I really can't see that and I'm not sure I would be able to having been exposed to the source material or not.

So rather than seeing Tom Cruise try to relive D-Day over and over as he fights tentacle Nazis and destroys GOD (Alpha and Omega are thrown around a little too often. I'm not religious, but the metaphor definitely hits you over the head too many times), go read Hiroshi Sakurazaka's novel and not the manga adaptation by Ryōsuke Takeuchi that was released in serial at the beginning of this year. Seriously, you can read this book in an afternoon. It might even be cheaper than a full-price ticket. After experiencing both, I sure am glad I spent more on the book than I did on the movie and I didn't have to support much of Tom Cruise's lament that he isn't the one fighting alien Nazis.

Hail Hydra.

All You Need is Kill can be found here.

Edit: If you liked the movie, that's great and I'm glad you found it enjoyable. I just hope you can give a little credit to the source material and its own awesomeness.

Messer'd Review: "Tuf Voyaging" by George R. R. Martin

"Cats are most intelligent animals. In fact, it is well known that all cats have a touch of the psi." - Haviland Tuf, Tuf Voyaging

If you love cats and you love space adventure and you are a Martin fan, then this collection is for you.

Yes, I said, collection, because this book is not a novel at all. Although it portrays itself as one, the book is instead a collection of short stories that Martin published in science fiction magazines since the mid seventies. The book is comprised of seven of these stories and was originally published in 1986. The story begins with The Plague Star, and then going on from there in a chronological order that tells an entire adventure of the very strange space trader, Haviland Tuf and his cats, Havoc and Mushroom (don't get too attached, this is a GRRM novel, after all).

I won't belabor you with the details of what happens in the book because it is pretty exciting. We begin on Tuf's ship, the Cornucopia of Excellent Goods at Low Prices, and we adventure with a mixed group of space academics and stuffy shirts (Celise Waan will definitely get under your skin in the same way Cersei Lannister does) towards something they learn is called, the Ark.

Yes, Ark much like Noah's Ark. The Ark is a defunct biowar seedship of the Ecological Engineering Corps, or, ECC, which was part of the old Federal Empire that originated from Earth. This ship is enormous and has collected various samples of things throughout the universe. This Corps had mastered the art of cloning and genetic mutation, but due to some war that poses questions of ethics when given that kind of power (a theme that motivates the stories), these people no longer exist and the ship has been abandoned for hundreds of years in distant space.

Although this Ark mimics that of the biblical one, Martin's panache for shaking up religious motifs in literature does not disappoint and is actually quite pleasing, but then you also have to consider that these stories precede his Songs of Ice and Fire (or for the uninitiated, Game of Thrones).

I mentioned the distasteful character Celise Waan. Her dialogue reminds one so much of Cersei that you cannot dismiss the connection. Also, in the beginning we are introduced to Rica Dawnstar who could be an early iteration of Gerold Dayne in SoIaF, called the Darkstar. Their characteristics are very similar (except Rica gets to ride a motherfucking DINOSAUR) and throughout the stories, many of the characters feel like early samplings of what characters were to come. Later, Tuf meets a woman referred to as, Ma Spider, named Tolly Mune who has a character development very similar to Jamie Lannister.

Writers (and yes, I do speak for myself) are notorious for weaving our older works into the rest of our writing throughout our life. While it may be hard for some to see the pattern, prolific writers like Martin (and the god of proliferation himself, Stephen King), are very easily traced when it comes to this arc of story development, character building, and themes that unfold throughout.

Over all, I really enjoyed this collection and even some of it got me a little angry, because while Martin is an unsung science fiction writer (because SoIaF dominates it all because of the show) some of his stories have slipped through the cracks. One of which, that caught my attention so well, was how the EEC perish in the first story, The Plague Star.

If you are a Halo fan, there is a chance that you owe that to GRRM. Why? Because The Plague Star was first published in 1985 and the story of the EEC and their war sounds a lot like that of Halo. As the story unfolded, I could not help but see similarities of the fight of the EEC and their enemies, the Hruun (from which I understand them to be sort of like sentient dragons???) that goes all the way into a war of plagues. The EEC rig their ship to unleash a torrent of monsters and disease to the Hruun as they board the Ark, very similar to the first Halo where you encounter the plague-like Flood as you go towards the library, led by a crazy robot (a little similar to the cybertech named Jefri Lion, who aides Rica and Tuf around the derelict ship by lighting their pathways), and ultimately, there are some cool weapons you encounter including plasma turrets, a needler (carried by Rica) and other weapons and concepts (mech suits) that begin to set off alarm bells.

Whether the creators of Halo made these connections, I cannot say, but I will say that the book was an excellent read. Martin does a great job developing characters and immersing you in a fantastic journey about space, cloning, and the ethics of genetic modification. If you are like me, and waiting for book six, then Tuf Voyaging will surely tickle your fancy.

Also, this book has a ton of awesome cats, so yeah. CATS.

Tuf Voyaging is available at most booksellers, and is especially cheap through Amazon Prime.

Game of Thrones: Bloodlust and some thoughts about the differences between the book-reader and show-only fans

*Note: I will try not to post any spoilers here, but you probably should be caught up on the latest Game of Thrones episode, "The Mountain and the Viper" before you continue to read this post.

After the newest episode of HBO's Game of Thrones appeared for the world to see, the internet took great offense to the death of Oberyn Martell, played by the charming Pedro Pascal. His death was awful, to say the least (however, it did leave me hungry for grapes), but for us stuffy-holier-than-thou-book-readers, we totally knew it was coming because it's the catalyst for a bunch of other bad shit that is going to spill out and cover the realm with a sort of anarchistic insanity that makes everything feel even more hopeless and heartless than it was before.

While I understand the differences between books and screen, I am still of the belief that this series is literally the best book-to-screen adaptation ever done in the history of books being made into movies, etc. I've read the books and am currently filled with the great desire to read  A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons again if I weren't so swept up in this book, Tuf Voyaging, also written by George R. R. Martin.

Some people don't want to be spoiled so they don't read the books. I get that. You want to be surprised as to what happens next and that's great and all. Some people don't have time to read, and though I think that excuse is bullcrap (audio books on your commute, jog, or whatever is a good way to do some "reading") that's fine and good, too. But as this season of GoT comes to a close and my Twitter and Facebook is filled with the whining about favorite character deaths, threats that they will stop watching if one more of their favorite characters die, or cursing Martin for killing so many people, I am getting more and more frustrated with these complaints.

Maybe it's just me, and it probably is, but then again, I have read ALL the books and I know what happens up until the end of Dance and the new chapters Martin has released on his website, here and I am not so surprised when a character bites the dust (even if he or she has not died in the book) on the show.  Martin sort of explains why in this interview with Conan O'Brian  and in short, there is a difference between when he kills characters and the showrunners kill characters.

Each season of GoT runs in 10 episodes, which is not much time to accomplish the story arcs that the books do in their many, many pages. A lot happens in the books and these favorite characters, like the Viper of Dorne, expire after having existed for some length of time instead of a few episodes or only a season. This doesn't make their deaths any less tragic, but the books do give you some time to recuperate and there are small "wins" that some characters have that make the tragedies we face as readers, redeeming.

Let's take Sansa, for example. Her storyline is one of the things that has surprised me the most with this show this season. I absolutely love her story and the way she finally starts to grow out of her little fantasy world and realize what is going on around her. This last episode, when she slowly walks down the stairs with her hair done in the way her mother used to wear it, the scene was such a powerful, yet subtle way of demonstrating that. The Sansa/Baelish events that took place in the last books were the ones that had me tittering the most because although she's only about 13 or 14 at this point in the books, the tense exchanges between her and Petyr are wonderfully written. Sansa finally becomes more than her age and realizes that everything really is a game at this point and she finally begins to move her pieces around on the board. This story is fascinating for me, especially now with the show because that scene demonstrated that Sansa holds one of the most powerful men in all of Westeros in her hands. Does she know that yet? I'm not sure she does, but she is getting there.

But back to the subject at hand: Oberyn Martell's death.

Oberyn is a great character and he was portrayed wonderfully, but by now, viewers should know that blindly giving in to your revenge leads you nowhere. The Viper knew he would not leave King's Landing alive, but if you were given that on a platter in the show, it might be a big yawn fest. Although I knew how the Viper died, I was excited because this scene between he and the Mountain in the book was so intense and all the emotions were high because Tyrion's life is in serious jeopardy. Tyrion's life had been in jeopardy before on the Blackwater, but viewers didn't quite experience that little heart-attack like us book-readers did.

The way Martin writes death, for me as a writer, is amazing. After the second book, A Clash of Kings, I began to realize how characters were dying in the Song of Ice and Fire novels.

They never die in their own chapters.

This is a HUGE realization that I hope he sticks to as a pattern (because all of us writers write in patterns, we have to, patterns are a part of our everyday), because it creates some real tension, especially when you're waiting for book six, wondering if he is still following this pattern because several characters HANG IN THE BALANCE OF LIFE AND DEATH.

Show-only fans do not know the torture of the possible deaths that are coming in the following seasons. They won't know that last SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER chapter in Dance, because they don't want to be "spoiled" and like being "surprised" by the show. Like I've said before, the show continues to surprise, wow, and entertain me because IT IS WRITTEN VERY WELL and by very capable people, including Martin himself, once per season, this season's appearing very early as "The Lion and the Rose" where we all got to cheer the horrific death of the worst king in fiction history. I cannot remember who said it or if anyone can trace back to who said it first, but I enjoy the musing that if spoilers ruin something for you, whether it be a movie, book, show, or whatever, then the piece wasn't that great to begin with. (Unless you are one of those people who is usually difficult about everything, then you can just wait the fuck outside.) If the total experience of the story has been ruined, then the journey isn't executed very well. Just about everyone knew that Frodo throws the Ring into Mordor, but we all enjoyed the experience getting there. When we go and watch things we are familiar with, we have an idea about what is going to happen, but with really good writing, it is the journey that is enjoyable.

I (for the most part) know what is going to happen in GoT and the journey of the show every week has me cheering at the screen, freaking out that some scenes are appearing early (DAT KISS) and really, really excited to see how they are played out. I cry at the show in the places where I cried in the book and I'm not ashamed.

However, I will say that you show-only fans are so amusing when it comes to misinformation. (This happened today among my friends who have been made pixels to protect them from other trolls like myself. Only I get to troll the people I love. ONLY ME.)

Yes, I'm horrible and mean, but messing around with people about something they can very easily look up and comfort themselves or mourn their loss is very amusing because the journey to get there, to the moment we are all either dreading or looking forward to will be a great one because Benioff and Weiss, although bloodthirsty and sinister as they are with the show, have done a fantastic job so far and have not let the fans down yet.

I'm looking forward to these last two episodes because some AMAZEBALLZ shit is going to happen, and some HORRIBLE shit is going to happen. To which of the beloved characters I will not reveal because who knows, they could really change shit up and do the opposite of the books and then everyone would be surprised. But for the sake of you show-only fans, enjoy these last two because we all will have a long wait before season 5 and us book-readers probably have a longer wait until book 6.

I'll be patient until either because you can't rush fucking awesomeness.

Midnight showings and X-Men: DOFP

Business stuff: This week you can expect more posts since I'm done with all my graduation celebrating and that there are a-many things I want to talk about in regards to some new games that have come out!

Tonight, it is more than likely I will be seeing X-Men: Days of Future Past for the third time. However, I'm not going to talk much about the movie (I might later, but it will clearly be marked with a spoiler warning), instead, I want to talk about the dwindling culture of the midnight showing.

The theater I live next to shows new movies not at midnight the day before release, but sometimes as early as seven. Already, this takes points away to the culture of the midnight showing. But what is the midnight showing?

For as long as I can remember, when the really nerdy movies came out--you know, the movies that everyone was looking forward to--you (sometimes) dressed up and went to the theater. I know I have seen almost all of the Harry Potter movies dressed up in my cloak and Slytherin tie (except for Order of the Phoenix, I was too busy with other things) at midnight with my friends. I had watched the very first X-Men in the mall theater in the town I grew up and it was awesome. The entrance way to that theater was a long walk and many times there were tents set up the night before. I remember the release of the last Star Wars this way. I actually drove for six hours to see it with my best friend after a school final. Judge the second trilogy as you may, but I have very fond memories of that night. Actually, all of my memories of midnight showings are great. The last one I went to before I felt the excitement of it all die away was Avengers. The crowd was so pumped and we were delirious because it was so late. We laughed together, we cried together when Coulson died, and we stayed for schwarma.

Those feelings are gone when I go to these early showings and even when I see the midnight-goers, it doesn't look the same. Is the excitement still in other places? Do you go to midnight shows that the whole crowd gets really pumped to be there?

I have a theory as to why many places no longer feel this kind of excitement and I guess we could all agree that James Holmes ruined that one. But did he? (My home theater is a Century 16, so as someone who is paranoid about similar circumstances, this worries me every time I see a new movie late at night.) I think we all ruined the midnight showing by not being excited by much anymore. Instead, a whole mess of internet culture has ruined the excitement seeing a movie ridiculously late at night with our friends. Or maybe we're all too poor to see it. Or we are adults with adult things to do. (I don't believe that last one. I believe in making time for yourself to do things you want to do.) Granted, many people have young kids and that's something that keeps you from going to these things, pumped up on coffee or energy drinks knowing that tomorrow at work and/or school you're going to feel like absolute shit, but if the movie was good, it might be worth it.

I guess what I am asking for is even at these "early" midnight showings, or any midnight showing, be a little more excited that you're there. I know it's hard because it's late, but you marked out that time for a reason. You are sacrificing precious sleep for something you maybe care one iota for. Celebrate that, dammit.

NOW FOR SPOILERSSSSSSSS!!!1!!!!!

ERHMERGERD. I still have a hard time talking about this movie without going into a puddle of incomprehensible drool. Not only was I really excited about Bryan Singer being back to direct the series (as it should be), and also utterly bat-shit-crazy-hard-on for Michael Fassbender returning as Magneto, but this was a good fucking X-Men movie that we have all been waiting for.

I'm not going to go in to detail about how this was totally like the comic, because I don't know. I have not read the graphic novel the script is based on, but I plan to purchase it on Comixology soon. If you're going to give me shit for it, then you've obviously never been a grad student studying English. (See: previous post about no life.)

What I CAN go into detail about is how Bryan Singer basically did this to the previous movies:

RIGHT?!? (Except First Class because it's awesome.)

Not only did awesome time-travel save the day, but it saved the franchise for a sustainable future until a satisfactory number of movies have been made to make up for the abomination of the third movie. (See: Wolverine's indestructible pants.) Of course, the end has the lead-in to the next movies based on the Age of Apocalypse and I know this story from growing up watching the animated series. I loved that shit growing up and now I get to see it in movies. I love living in the future.

Although a friend of mine was quite upset with the surprise of a skinny Apocalypse, I have a feeling we saw a young version of Apocalypse. I think we can count on some sort of accuracy from Singer, but that is yet to be seen.

I feel very strong about this movie, and while my same friend said it felt like the movie was missing something at the end, I think I know what:

Kissin' Fassbender.

There are two parts where two characters should just smooch that German/Irish god. Firstly, Eric and Charles get all up close and personal in their argument and all I can think about is Mike Tyson saying, "now kithh" while pushing their heads together. This leaves the viewer who wants to see this sort of thing ultimately disappointed when the bromance is not fulfilled.

The other part is when Eric and Mystique are in that bizarre French phone booth drowning themselves in sexual tension. From what I know of her character, Mystique is a hardcore killer, precise and a little bit disconnected from the rest of her fellow mutants because she is so different. Since the first movie, I have been a great fan of the Mystique/Magneto pairing (whether this is something the comics orchestrated first I have no idea, someone please fill me in!) and it is only until Fassbender and Lawrence have fulfilled the roles that we have had a chance to build that tension properly.

I wanted them to smooch so bad. I wanted it with every fiber of my being because those love stories where both people have to work for what they want are my favorite stories. Love unrequited and later fulfilled is what really drives my hamster on the wheel. But she was pissed at him (and rightly so) and it would have been too unbelievable and a discredit to Mystique's focus on killing the man who orchestrated the death of her mutant-kin. There was a tension unrelieved between them and it continued through to the end when she leaves Eric to the whims of Charles. She leaves them both, but we all know she will return sometime later.

The big question is whether this some time will reprise Fassbender once again as Magneto. Granted, Sir Ian McKellen is AMAZING and probably the best choice for the later Magneto there is, but Fassbender is so utterly charming as this young, struggling mutant that I need him to fulfill that role again. (JUST ONCE MORE, FOR THE LOVE OF ODIN.) Will he? (Imdb says YES.) GOOD. Perhaps they will finish off that tension and I can breathe easy once more, but until then, this is one of those movies that I can watch again and again, expecting something different to happen each time.

Post-Grad Life Mediation

In my post last week, I talked about how much grad life sucks. Or, sucked, rather. Last week I finished my last graduate class for the foreseeable future. I say "foreseeable" because at this point in my life I do not want to pursue any more degrees, at least not yet. In 20 years my student loan debt will have grown to about 150k and in these last few days after my last class, I have been wallowing in the glory that is no homework, no deadlines, and lots of time for things that I love to do.

In this newfound time I got to see the new Godzilla this week, not once, but twice. In the movie (without giving spoilers away) there is a line that is said to the main character, Ford, before he is reunited with his family after being away (military) for 14 months. The guy tells him to, "Take it slow, it's the one thing they don't train you for." Or something like that.

The movie aside (I enjoyed it enough to see it twice, but I'll leave it at that), I feel like that statement applies to your life after graduate school. Although not nearly as tough as military service (or at all, for that matter), grad life sucks your time away from the things that you love to do, the people you love to be around, and your "normal" life. When you finish, you are suddenly imbued with the power to do all of these things you put off. Things like, reading books that are not a part of a syllabus; painting your nails; going for a walk; splurging on as many episodes of Supernatural as you want on Netflix; seeing a newly released movie (i.e. Godzilla); or even something as simple as sitting on your bed in the morning while having coffee without having to turn on the computer to get a quick assignment in before work. 

But this is also a very dangerous thing.

So I was thinking about how there should be some sort of cool-down program for graduate students. Maybe some little getaway that keeps you from overindulging on all of the things you were looking forward to once free from the structure of academia. You take one book, or perhaps just a few movies, and you go where it's relaxing, low-maintenance (people cook for you and stuff so you don't have to) and you ease back into your life you had before, or maybe you didn't have the life before, you just get to do all the things you dreamed of doing when you were stuck writing a paper at 3am or in a class you didn't particularly care for. Suddenly all of those, "I can't wait until..." sentences get to come true.

I have a stack of books in my bedroom that I want to read, along with a list of comics I have been meaning to check out. My movie watch list is miles long, and I'm still not caught up on all of the episodes of Hannibal. There are numerous writing projects now in my head. Ones I want to get back at, and new adventures that I want to embark on. This blog, even, is one of those things that I am excited to make time for. Too many things, almost, are tearing me into different directions and the whole thing is starting to overload the senses and the desires. Even laundry is something exciting and I want to clean all of my washable things, fold them neatly, and be cheerful about it because I have the time.

That is what has been on my mind lately, thinking about how much fun it is going to be now that school is finally over, but also, trying to remind myself not to get too out of control, either. 

You don't learn how to mediate fun in grad school, but gosh darn it, we probably should.

Let's just make this a yearly thing...

My last blog post was about how I wanted to post more blogs.

That was almost a year ago.

Life took over after that. I had all the intentions of making writing a weekly thing (because writing blogs daily does seem like an extremely large amount of work that I just don't give enough shits about) but when you're a graduate student, life sucks.

There is this really cool guy who I have had a few classes with in the last three years of my program. We take a fiction workshop together. The class is in the evening and everyone is pretty much winding down from their days when we get out around 10 PM or so and usually our spirits feel a little silly. On a night when we were discussing our stresses a few months ago, I stuck a cigarette in my mouth and with it dangling right in the corner, I responded to something my friend had said about grad school (which I cannot remember what he said) simply with:

"Grad life sucks."

With some emphasis on the word, "sucks." He laughed. No, he doubled over and laughed the kind of maniacal laughter that happens when you watch those fail videos on the U Tubes. At the time I had been wearing my usual garb of black and was in one of those "don't give two shits" kind of moods.

After he stopped laughing, there was discussion about how your first 4-years of college (if you decide to do as such) can only be described as a kid with his mouth attached to a bong with the caption, "College life rocks." Despite the popularity of the following meme to represent lazy college students, I am of the belief that his face really captures all the frustration of graduate school:

And, grad life does suck. I'm not going to emphasize all of the political problems with going to school in the US, we've all heard the song and dance about that. What I do want to emphasize is how much graduate school takes you away from the things that matter. If it is the path you decide to take after your first program, be prepared to lose your grip on life. In the pursuit of a professional degree that is usually a signal to employers that you are dedicated and can survive through nuclear academic turmoil, you will face panic attacks (emphasized heavily in the last year of your program), loneliness, drunkenness, too much procrastination, back pain, severe illness, mental illness, exhaustion, insomnia, depression, and nothing but lint in your pockets (because you've spent too much on commuting gas, printing credits, and car repairs).

In graduate school, your grades matter more than they did before. If you get a "C," that's not passing, and even seeing those nasty "Bs" on your transcript make you cringe. Judge me if you like, but I have spent some time gawking at why I was given an "A-" instead of the full "A." You spend a lot of time thinking about these grades and what they mean as well as how they reflect on you as a person. The way you perceive the world around you begins to warp and you lose touch with the things that matter most.

Like writing. The atmosphere of a writing program allows for writing that tries to engage with doing something and the propulsion of your skills rather than savoring the act. We write for assignments, we write what is challenging, but between reading and write about what we read, writing emails and for some teaching classes, we lose the motivation to write for ourselves. Or, we just lack the time.

Blogging is one of those things that most people do for themselves. It's of a certain level of narcissism that gives the immediacy to publication gratification. You can write a blog, send a link, and say, "LOOK AT WHAT I WROTE." I am not against this. While many people blog because they have something interesting to say (I browse many interesting blogs and I do enjoy many of them) many people blog because it is one of the ways you get your writing out there, no matter how narcissistic the act actually is.

Blogging (if done well) is important to your career.

That's why I NEED to do it more often than once a year or so. I NEED to find a subject that suits my writing interests and stick with it. I NEED to blog because grad life sucks (I have about 12 days left) and there NEEDS to be some salvation in the turmoil that I slogged through to get to this point where I can say:

I'm a writer. Now what?

I'll blog more, I promise. While some of it may be narcissistic, I don't really care because I still feel like I have a lot to say about things and have been conditioned not  to give in to that desire to do as such. We have been taught (and yes it should be withheld to a point) not to fall in love with ourselves or just be wrapped up in our own business. I'm tired of not loving myself as a person and as a writer. I am the most important person there is to me (my cat might be slightly more important) and I am tired of people denying my desire to call myself awesome.  We are all our own awesome people and we should strive to be the coolest cats in town. We should love each other's own separate coolness, because the more we like one another, the happier everyone is.

I've spent a lot of my life being unhappy and it's time to change that.

Blogging: Take Two.

When you’re a writer, the most important thing you have to do is write.  Generally the consensus is that a good writer writes every day to get the habit of producing words down and instead of letting the muses come to you, the process of writing allows you to call upon them even if it means they were sitting on the can.

I am not one of these writers.

Most often, I write in my head.  The concepts build until they create an explosion similar to the morning after a night of drunken antics and guzzling an entire bottle of Sriracha.  This word-poop-explosion takes place and I end up with a piece of fiction.  Of course, it still goes through the editing process (which is a different story) and then it leaves my hands to go be rejected to every literary journal I find interesting.  This is the best way for me to keep writing.  Although the process itself is not very healthy to myself as a writer (and you should never hold all your poop in, just let it happen) the more I do it, the more frequently it happens and some day I will be able to be one of those writers who produces something tangible every day.

My process is also why I don’t blog.  Blogging requires that you write frequently and try to keep it interesting enough that you generate a pool of readers that actually enjoy reading what will eventually transform into ranting about how much crap pisses you off.  As a naturally angry person, I skipped all that and resigned that all my rants would be kept in my over-the-top and in ALL CAPS Facebook statuses.  I really want to blog, but then I am faced with another problem.

What the hell do I write about?

Frankly, with the absolute explosion of Nerd and Geek Culture in the world, (i.e. people who would have made fun of me in my childhood for my love of comics, sci-fi, and Batman somehow get tickets to the revered San Diego Comic Con and talk about how much they love all the panels for movies and shows) women like myself come a dime a dozen.  There are also many who tout themselves as “geek girls” or “gamer girls” who truly give us a really bad name mostly wrapped up in fluffy pink bullshit.  However, this is where—especially lately—my desires have continued to return.

Reading some of my current favorite bloggers and all the hubbub from the recent Comic Con has revived really great childhood memories from a very early age.  The earliest I can remember—before my first sibling was born, actually—I loved Batman.  In the late 80’s, reruns of the series starring Adam West and Burt Ward is what kept me busy in the living room of our trailer for an hour.  I remember running around our coffee table inexhaustibly chanting, “Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na…” and falling on the floor in the crescendo of, “BATMAAAAAN.”  This was how my life began, and it is exactly how it continued.

Now, when nerdy stuff happens that the child inside of me approves of, I wave my muppet arms in the air and sing songs of praise.  I enjoy being a very nerdy and geeky woman and feel I have a lot to say on the matter.  I also enjoy playing video games.  Even though I suck a lot (not because I’m a girl, but because I am really out of practice), gaming is always fun.

So, I give you something about writing, Nerd & Geek Culture, and gaming.  I can’t promise it will be good or that it will be very consistent, but I can promise it will be honest and probably have a lot of shameless self-promotion.

And probably a lot of discussion about poop.

See you soon.